Why people have affairs?
Speak about a loaded topic that no one wants to chat about, that’s it. Funny thing, extramarital affairs have been going on ever since millennium. Extramarital affairs can be filled with troubles, cause misery, and other troubles. Also you have to wrap your maind around all the other issues, there’s that truth and openness thing, funds, age dissimilarity, religious background, shame, and on and on. I expect there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the purpose of this post I will classify an affair as a long term, maybe years long relationship of a sexual nature between two people of whom one or both are married to other persons, married dating.
Why do people have extramarital affairs? There are as many reasons as there are seeking affair. I suppose mainly though it is only the human state, the need for liking, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and appreciated. Here are a few reasons I have run across.
Physically we as human beings are all sexual beings. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is pleasurable and fun, and sex makes us get away the real world for a brief period of time. This ecstasy exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels elevated enough. Someone are able to turn the desire on and off, some are good at controlling it and others are so-so at best. But we all have it, young and mature, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the stimulation of the hunt. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the caring for another human being, for some it is the wish to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the whole romance thing. These wishes and yearnings can be so strong they rise above the taboos humanity has erected against married dating. For lots of people the yearnings will overcome their worries and make them risk the fury of not only their relatives, but the public too. So why, what is the mechanism?
Sex Addicts, probably some of us are. Sex is very good, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of biologically motivated sex addicts and can find away to have an affair and not wound your relatives or anyone else? You would need to lessen the threat you are taking. If you have the feeling that a good affair is one that is beneficial to everybody, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I think this is the biggest cluster, gigantic truly. There are many couples whose marital relationships is over, except they feel comfy in the way they live, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your other half but there is no romance. Also there are the children to look after. Your funds are so entangled. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to live as a family besides love and sex.
Bodily reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical circumstances that stop them completing the sex act, at least not with their spouse. An marital affair occasionally solves the problem while keeping the marriage whole.
Neglect, sadly this is a common cause I fear. One or the other, as a rule the male is sexually neglecting his lady for a multitude of reasons. As a man I really appreciate you guys neglecting your girls and making them obtainable to us guys of romance, making them “milf wives” Though I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Then there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not only neglectful, but malevolent.
Something is just misplaced in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Perhaps its romance that is missing, could be it is a lack of love, could be compassion is gone, maybe it is the intimacy, could be neglect. Maybe we have just developed separately, our relulas concerns diverged. Could be it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my ages, is contradictory of what you want. Could be I simply don’t know what I want from the marriage anymore. Could be, just maybe I miss that feeling that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The ultimate reason people give is, they look for the passion that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to get away, for financial gain, for revenge and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.